anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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