My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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