just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
