So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
