I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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