I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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