We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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