I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
