Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
