Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
