i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
