I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
