Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
