Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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