apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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