you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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