I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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