If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
