absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
