i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
