What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
