its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
