I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
