This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
