i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
