i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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