Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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