Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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