Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
