Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
