Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
