2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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