Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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