oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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