Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
