well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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