I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
