So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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