i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
