Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
