Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
