Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
