a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
