so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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