he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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