put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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