My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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