I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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