I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
