chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
