and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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