what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
