This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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