chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
