Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
someone owes me an orgasm
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
