I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
