My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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