Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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