tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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