it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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