Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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