No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
