Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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