Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
