My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize