i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
