omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
