that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
