its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
