maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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