i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
