the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize