I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
