**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
time to smoke my breakfast
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
