my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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