Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
