If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
