THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
smell my finger.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
