If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
