I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
