I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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