I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
