it was like his penis was on wheels.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Randomize
