let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
