There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was CRYING into my vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
