Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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