Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
