Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
