That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
