i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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