Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
