"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
