Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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