please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
