Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
