Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I deserve this hangover.
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