I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
