The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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