You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
