I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
