Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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