The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
