The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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